March 17th, 2002 - 5:34 p.m.

ow. my elbow.

there is a sharp, yet numb pain in my right elbow. it is most perturbing. you see, i have broken that arm before, and on some occasions, it begins to hurt. the same goes for my left elbow, which i have also broken. my left knee where shards of glass remain under stitches. and my right leg, where a ligament was damaged. so, on a bad day, complete with tension back ache, all my extremeties are shot with a numb pain and i am forced to hobble like an ancient ill oiled machine. it reminds me of my mortality.

this is not one of those days. and i feel like a greek god must feel when wounded. i shake my left fist (because my right one is limp) at my body for betraying me. (this shaking of the fist is entirely due to one individual, i know you know who you are.)

still craving human companionship. have party to attend. am dreading it. i need a jazz club, dimly lit, with someone softly singing blues (like 'my funny valentine' in the film "the talented mr. ripley"), me smoking and drinking gin and tonics. hat tilted to the left. diamonds shining.

ought to get dressed.

n.

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