March 2nd, 2002 - 2:43 p.m.

a short missive.

it is not my fault. i wish it did not have to come to this, but it does. so. for those out there who believe i am still in control, that i am calling the shots, hear this now: i have no control. i do this not out of a lack of devotion, but because i have no choice. if you had listened to me (but you would not), you would know that i would work on this until the day that i die. but now, i cannot. i am blameless and i have been betrayed. may this cleanse me in your eyes of whatever evil you may think of me. sigh. wish me luck. for it is certain that i will need it.

i have never been so frightened in all my life.

n.

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