March 3rd, 2002 - 1:55 a.m.

a bad joke and some ranting

alright. if i must, i will march third. (by this time it is obvious i have killed this joke, not that it was that funny in the first place.)

wheeeeeeeee! splat. since i have never been so frightened before, i am beginning to doubt if this feeling is fear, or just some type of ulcer. s. does not love me anymore. i feel three years old again, my parents threatening to abandon me on the street if i do not stop crying (which they did, on several occasions, just so that i would run down the street panicing, tears streaming down my face, running after them. i guess they needed to feel wanted... though this is not the case here.)

i do not want to be alone. though i know it will be good for me. i will miss that specific sense of comfort that one can only receive from another human being. sigh. i am most frightened about the whole job/money situation. have worked, very hard usually, but have never had to fend for self. have not been alone without emotional support for 4? 4 1/2? years now. well, in perspective, the worst that could happen is that i jump off a building. so, i guess it is not so bad. it is all the shit inbetween that is going to be the problem. once again, wish me luck.

oh, and j.? maybe your sandwiches are getting in the way of your sexiness.

n.

p.s. relax jer. there is no reason to feel weird about any of this. take care of s. for me.

�