May 9th, 2002 - 5:47 p.m.

A strange desire.

On sunny, balmy days, I am filled with a strange desire to have a house in the suburbs. A willow tree and white picket fence. A garden of pink roses and white gardenias.

A toddler in overalls, sitting in the grass, in awe of ants marching in single file.

Sipping lemonade from colourfully printed plastic glasses. Kerchief wrapping the hair back, khaki clamdiggers and gingham blouse. Waiting to hear the bicycle and general gleeful noises of the other child to return home; the noise of car wheels on gravel announcing the return of the husband.

Apple pie baking in the oven, extra pie crust sprinkled with sugar and braided as a treat for the older one coming home from school. The layers of a birthday cake cooling on the windowsill, aching for its lemon icing and fanciful decorations.

Yes, on days like this, I want to be a haus frau with a classic husband and two children. All curled hair and smiles.

Though I know, within several days, I would become sickened, and feel stifled. "So happy in my blue heaven."

N.

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