March 19th, 2002 - 7:39 p.m.

i am silly when happy.

pamplemousse. that has to be the funniest word in creation. i am so silly when content. it sounds like one ought to poke at the word and laugh at it, but in a nice, fuzzy sort of way. unfortunatly, it only means grapefruit. pamplemousse! oy. utter silliness.

there were no attractive people on the subway today. though there was an exceptionally ugly one: the most atrociously dressed woman on the subway. ill fitting pilled purple turtleneck sweater. an ugly tired looking face; eyes with a permenant mark of stupidity. limp sick mouse coloured hair, cut in the most unflattering way. pulled out a fast food hamburger and began consuming it in the most unattractive way possible. oy. not even an army of stylists and finishing school teachers could help that one.

yes, i admit it. i am a snob. but at least i am good at it. but then again, i am good at everything i do. ahh! look out! my head is expanding! how big can this ego get? cannot seem to fit though door!

see, this is what a good mood does to me. do you see this? utter silliness. though not the same type of silliness as mentioned before, several days ago. no, this is a different breed of silliness. new and improved. (j. is cringing in his seat. i know it.)

i wonder when this will all come crashing down. when that sense of rejection that i am supposed to feel by now will settle in. maybe it never will. no, i do not think it will. not at all. wheeeeeeeeee!

n.

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