April 22nd, 2002. - 1:44 a.m.

Here we are again.

Depressing things:
-ugliness
-parting/leaving
-a grotesquely mismatched outfit
-the celebration of events with noncommittal food
-an inability to spell words common to the English language
-the realization that fantasy can only remain unreal
-a lack of comfort/security
-bouffant hair
-bad jokes (particularly if one is utterly unamused to being with)
-an anticipated event that does not occur
-broken promises
-boredom
-ugly shoes
-stupidity/ignorance
-lacking in direction
-sanctimoniousness
-electronic devices that fail to work
-loveless parents
-too much sleep
-too little sleep
-dieting (others of course, I never diet)
-idleness
-an unpleasant meal
-guilt (particularly guilt piled on by family members)
-the understanding that one would have to have unattractive friends if one were also unattractive
-badly designed objects
-insatiable cravings
-having to work when one has no drive to do so
-remaining in society when one has grown much too tired
-lust
-unprovoked hostility
-frustration
-reminders of past pains when one is caught unaware
-lack of self realization
-material pursuits
-silliness
-an inability to find beauty
-anger
-false accusations
-people so blinded by gain, that they fail to notice that I want nothing in return
-a lack of honesty
-uncommunicativeness
-those whom insist on pretending they understand

A small circular incision in the left wrist, and wind out the vein, with thumb and forefinger, into ball, like yarn. Ebony needles. Knit into a dress secured by strands of hair. All the worry and malaise and strife. Worn to shelter from the elements. Keep the body warm. And the arms from rotting off.

�I�m so bored of cowards, who say what they want, then they can�t handle.�

N.

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