March 21st, 2002 - 9:59 p.m.

unattractive and disappointing things, snow, a wish, 199 bras

unattractive things:
-obscene displays of anger involving the stamping of feet, pounding of surrounding objects, and/or cursing; in particular pertaining to situations that are either ineffectual or unchangeable
-the stuffing of mass amounts of food into the mouth
-accusations aimed at making others feel guilty in order to achieve some end
-food particles or makeup adhering to teeth
-ungraceful failure
-discussion of various sexual conquests in order to inflate one's ego; desperate attempts to heighten one's social standing
-white socks with black shoes
-bouffant hair and/or reddish orange lipstick
-over plucked eye brows
-obsession over money
-wearing ruffles when one has large breasts

disappointing things:
-running out of food on one's plate or drink in one's cup before one is sated
-mass orchestration for an event that falls apart due to one flaw
-promises that fill one with a complete sense of satisfaction that are swiftly broken before one has the chance to breathe
-new things that break
-failing tests that compile a large portion of one's grade
-purchasing something new that seems fantastic at the moment but a better version is found not too long after and one cannot return the original purchase
-lack of talent disguised with a clever tongue
-an individual that one loves intensely for only one reason only to find that the one reason does not actually exist
-a perfect piece of paper with the corner missing
-perfection with one fixable flaw

i adore snow's amazing ability to stifle all sounds. like a speaker with a down pillow sufficating its sound. never have alcohol for breakfast. let that be a lesson to all of you. or just to me. everyone has all of a sudden become unattractive and disappointing. the above two lists were complied on nov. 13th, 2001 and nov. 14th, 2001, and seem to fit the current mood perfectly.

i want to walk on ocean floors. for hours. hair flowing. watching the sand gather about my toes and drift away on the current. i can cry and recite soliloquys and no one would hear a thing. i can laugh and be in love, and not have to pester a soul.

i hope that girl on the train knew that her pants said 199 bras on them. i almost burst out laughing. swollen eyelids from recent plastic surgery. too much makeup. bah. once again, no attractive people. perhaps they have all gone on hibernation?

n.

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